"I will never eat graham flour biscuits again." was the earliest promise I remember making to myself. Though It was probably whole wheat, so better for us, it made such ugly biscuits, like the Great Depression turned our town; all heavy and dark. Not light and fluffy like Grandma's biscuits were. Her's looked and tasted so good they made it easier to get the oatmeal down. We also were given dried prunes and other staples when my Mom and I would stand in line with the throng of other hungry families back then.

My father spent his time searching for work. But there wasn't any anymore. If you've read this to here, you may wonder why it's so somber, and what is the point. Last week, before America's Wall Street disaster eclipsed the news, I was thinking of posting about our national election. I do like the idea of our new president coming from a life of hardship, and being poor, but taking himself above and beyond that, to the point that he can run for president. But I'll not get into all that's transpired while two men vie for this most important job in our country. The media has already beaten this election almost to death. Weeks ago I stopped even listening to the ugliness of it.

What I would like to share, is not just how bleak the Dpression time was, but the effects of it that linger almost eighty years later. My own children, when they hear me plead "Depression era thinking" to explain away my behavior or an old attitude, may feel I could change it, if I'd just try. But the roots of this approach to life are heavily chained to our heritage and our culture. The difference in then and now is that I can't remember the last time I heard the expression, "A penny saved is a penny earned." I don't hear much about planning to save for the proverbial rainy day. Most of the time, when people talk about money, it has more to do with buying things.

I chide myself for nickeling and diming even inexpensive things in a store. If I were wealthy, I would probably still cringe at the cost of a good steak, and I really love a good one. This approach to the marketplace carries over into all areas of our lives. I will want to send a nice present to someone, but I get in a store, and compare if I could buy something cheaper.

This isn't to reflect how much or how little I care about someone. It is that old almost ancient habit that's been driving me all my life. Standing in line with my Mom to get the ugly brown flour we so needed, and the dried prunes was a big part of the start of this concept. But what I've realized is that it spreads everywhere in our lives.

Years ago when I was doing a self starter college program, an outstanding psychogist who taught me wrote comments on assignments I turned in. She said things like, "Judith, this is higher level work than being only for a Bachelor's degree. and you did it better than many students would have," (Even as I write this I fear someone may think I am puffing up my ability) But not long ago, while looking for other papers, I chanced upon that college assignment again, and this time could easily tell the instructor was completly right in what she said. Because I've so yearned to educate myself, much of the emphasis in my case is on learning. For others it may be in different areas of their lives.

Something else I now question is having low self esteem, that it may not always be that, but is those ancient depression concepts still terribly affecting one's life.

As I make new promises to myself, I feel a freedom I've not known before. Perhaps a little like Scarlet in "Gone With the Wind" when, at the defeat of the South in our Civil War, with her fist held high toward the sky, declares: "Tomorrow is another day."