Familiar roads draw me toward the mountain peaks. At work not a single car slot is open in the parking lot, but I 'm early, so pull over and wait for a car to leave. Without checking calendars I know there's an employee meeting, and head in that direction.

Nursing staff and other employees see me, and wave my way. A few thought I quit working there, since I'd been gone more than two months, dealing with the knee problem. When I got ready for work today, I wondered how I'd feel being back. Everything looks pretty much as it did before. Residents tooling along in their wheelchairs say hello, or wave at me. A huge renovation
is going on in one of the nursing units. Painting, papering, installing new fixtures for more residents.

I go to where I'm scheduled and it looks the same. Nurses hurry to finish required paperwork, while sharing a station about the size of an overgrown taxi stand. Everything in me wants to turn around and leave.

Residents are lined up in wheelchairs, as aides hurry to meet their needs. One man needs a shave so badly, and I notice dried food stuck to his stained clothes, and don't know whether to cry, or get mad about it. It should not be this way.

The day shift nurse and I do report and count the narcs, and check more of them in a fridge in a utility room. This nurse looks at me and says she's been there only a short time."Is it always this heavy a work load", she says more than asks, and continues, "I keep hoping I can find a better place to work". "Are they all the same?" We look at each other. If I did speak I'd be talking to myself. The questions go unanswered.

She tells me she's headed to her doctor, to get a cortisone shot for bone spurs. I try to lighten things by saying something about being the walking wounded, but this nurse is serious about working conditions, and her bone spur pain.

The evening is hard to keep up with. All the resident beds are filled. The medicine cart is stuffed full of pills for them. Paper work that can wait does, as the hours outrun me. I don't know many of the patients, so med pass takes longer. At a quarter to one o'clock in the morning, I complete my work, and can leave. My knee that was doing so good reminds me it's been working too hard tonight. I suppose it could be worse, maybe a bone spur, but the pain coming back scares me. I was just getting able to do some of my yard work.

At home I'm so wound I don't even try to go to sleep. It's about three a.m. when I can. The next work day is about the same, except I got out a little earlier. but again, you can't do the work and drive home, and hop right in bed, so I'm up til wee hours, and sleep so late the next morning I completely forgot Comcast was coming to switch my phone and computer service. I feel bad about that, and have to reschedule, but am not up to it today.

This situation is no different than it's always been, and not likely to change. I've given a lot of thought to it, and realize As I'm posting this, it is not just the awful working conditions. It is everything that's decent about myself being violated, when I have to walk by a resident, and can't take time to clean their bearded face, or change soiled clothes. I do not understand why State and federal rules, laws even, allow workloads that result in this, I cannot be a part of it anymore.

I already have a stack of employment applications, and will fill them in, and check on openings at Assisted Living places. I am considering having a sign made for my car, something about Nurse Granny taking care of homebound oldies, only saying it more nicely. They and their families could use some nursing TLC.