Wednesday, January 17, 2007
A Time For Miscellany
Almost midnight January 17, and I can't find the words I want to say. Is this what other bloggers deal with? Do I search too hard? Sometimes I think I do. So tonight I'll start out telling you, in case you didn't know, how things have been with me.
Several years ago one of my sons and I bought a house. He was starting an apprentiship/classroom program, and I would continue my nursing. We got along very well. But even good things may need to change.
When you live together it's easy to take each other for granted, even Moms and sons, and it's easy to let someone do what you're not wanting to, like driving I-25, or lifting heavy stuff, or shoveling snow.
So we settled things about the house, and at daughter, Barb's of A Chelsea Morning suggestion, I moved to western Colorado. Barb was beautiful. She did everything she could to help me with the move, and we looked forward to being together.
Where some would flinch at all the changes I had to make, I saw them as an interesting adventure. I saw it that way right up until an unbelievable situation about computer and internet service took place that caused me to be without computer access for more than a month, and then it still wasn't over. I don't know if it was because of phone lines, or some nearby transformers. Back here in Denver the computer service runs smoothly, as it did before I moved away.
If I doubted it before I don't now; we really do learn more from our mistakes than our serendipities. It's hard to see it at the time, or maybe I just didn't want to. But if we learn from what we do, isn't it worth what it cost, and not always in terms of money.
I shouldn't have accepted the nursing job I took there. I remember having gut feelings about it that I managed to ignore. So I accepted doing twelve hour shifts, and working three different nursing units. Only ingrained insecurities would drive me to such an awful job. And that was before they stopped how nurses have done their work, almost all the way back to Florence Nightingail. They went computer.
It wasn't that I couldn't learn it. I was making progress. It was just one more thing, a big one, to deal with. I'm usually rock solid brave and pretty capable. I have a long list of things I've done that prove it.
But even before the job became unbearable, especially when trying to straighten out the computer craziness at home, I could barely talk with them, couldn't control sudden bouts of crying. That is not me, and I know it, and I knew I had to change whatever was causing it.
I can't take all the credit for it. God and some beautiful people did most of it. My job was to do a lot of packing before they arrived, and there's that phrase I like to use: be rock solid in my belief that our Saviour would get us across the mountains safely, and He did, right between two terrible storms that killed others and swept some cars away.
You may wonder why I chose that time to chance the move. A son was having surgery, and it was possible he had cancer. If we didn't move then, I would have to wait months for help to do it later.
It wasn't all bad. God took care of the possible cancer. The doctors say there isn't any, and son is doing fine. but he did pay attention to the danger. The day before surgery he quit smoking, as some say, cold turkey.
It was kind of fun, even exciting, working out finding and getting this apartment. I had been in one here, so knew where and how it was. I think I'm being pampered. Those helping me made sure my place is only a few doors down from laundry room. I like that, and even taking garbage out is easy, not far away, and a sidewalk goes right to it. When God takes care of something, He's very good at details.
A good thing that came from living out west is that I drove much more there. When my son and I shared a house, it was easy to let him taxi me around. But when we take on others' responsibilities, or let someone carry ours, that can help them or us be less capable of taking care of whatever's ahead.
Two books I plan to read again, Maxwell Maltz' PSYCHO-CYBERNETICS, and BOUNDARIES, by two authors, Cloud and Townsend. These books address the necessity for self regard and how to get it, and having
healthy boundaries in relationships.
Not all the changes I've recently made were agonizing. I treasure the time Barb and I had there, and seeing even a short span of my great grandson's life. Seeing autumn arrive last year out west was different than Denver's. Unlocking the door and seeing my apartment for the first time felt so good. All of it clean and uncluttered.
It was already snowing (and there's still mounds of it here to walk or drive over). But some times when I'm outside geese fly over, and eventually the snow will go away, and pretty flowers will make their way up out of it, as we can choose to do with our challenges, and sometimes see beauty, even in them.
Several years ago one of my sons and I bought a house. He was starting an apprentiship/classroom program, and I would continue my nursing. We got along very well. But even good things may need to change.
When you live together it's easy to take each other for granted, even Moms and sons, and it's easy to let someone do what you're not wanting to, like driving I-25, or lifting heavy stuff, or shoveling snow.
So we settled things about the house, and at daughter, Barb's of A Chelsea Morning suggestion, I moved to western Colorado. Barb was beautiful. She did everything she could to help me with the move, and we looked forward to being together.
Where some would flinch at all the changes I had to make, I saw them as an interesting adventure. I saw it that way right up until an unbelievable situation about computer and internet service took place that caused me to be without computer access for more than a month, and then it still wasn't over. I don't know if it was because of phone lines, or some nearby transformers. Back here in Denver the computer service runs smoothly, as it did before I moved away.
If I doubted it before I don't now; we really do learn more from our mistakes than our serendipities. It's hard to see it at the time, or maybe I just didn't want to. But if we learn from what we do, isn't it worth what it cost, and not always in terms of money.
I shouldn't have accepted the nursing job I took there. I remember having gut feelings about it that I managed to ignore. So I accepted doing twelve hour shifts, and working three different nursing units. Only ingrained insecurities would drive me to such an awful job. And that was before they stopped how nurses have done their work, almost all the way back to Florence Nightingail. They went computer.
It wasn't that I couldn't learn it. I was making progress. It was just one more thing, a big one, to deal with. I'm usually rock solid brave and pretty capable. I have a long list of things I've done that prove it.
But even before the job became unbearable, especially when trying to straighten out the computer craziness at home, I could barely talk with them, couldn't control sudden bouts of crying. That is not me, and I know it, and I knew I had to change whatever was causing it.
I can't take all the credit for it. God and some beautiful people did most of it. My job was to do a lot of packing before they arrived, and there's that phrase I like to use: be rock solid in my belief that our Saviour would get us across the mountains safely, and He did, right between two terrible storms that killed others and swept some cars away.
You may wonder why I chose that time to chance the move. A son was having surgery, and it was possible he had cancer. If we didn't move then, I would have to wait months for help to do it later.
It wasn't all bad. God took care of the possible cancer. The doctors say there isn't any, and son is doing fine. but he did pay attention to the danger. The day before surgery he quit smoking, as some say, cold turkey.
It was kind of fun, even exciting, working out finding and getting this apartment. I had been in one here, so knew where and how it was. I think I'm being pampered. Those helping me made sure my place is only a few doors down from laundry room. I like that, and even taking garbage out is easy, not far away, and a sidewalk goes right to it. When God takes care of something, He's very good at details.
A good thing that came from living out west is that I drove much more there. When my son and I shared a house, it was easy to let him taxi me around. But when we take on others' responsibilities, or let someone carry ours, that can help them or us be less capable of taking care of whatever's ahead.
Two books I plan to read again, Maxwell Maltz' PSYCHO-CYBERNETICS, and BOUNDARIES, by two authors, Cloud and Townsend. These books address the necessity for self regard and how to get it, and having
healthy boundaries in relationships.
Not all the changes I've recently made were agonizing. I treasure the time Barb and I had there, and seeing even a short span of my great grandson's life. Seeing autumn arrive last year out west was different than Denver's. Unlocking the door and seeing my apartment for the first time felt so good. All of it clean and uncluttered.
It was already snowing (and there's still mounds of it here to walk or drive over). But some times when I'm outside geese fly over, and eventually the snow will go away, and pretty flowers will make their way up out of it, as we can choose to do with our challenges, and sometimes see beauty, even in them.
