For almost three weeks I've wanted to post about the job change, but something new would come up, and I'd think, "Wait til things settle a little". But some things don't take care of themselves. I am also eager to tell you about buying a house, but will save that for a later post.

I've been working in a nursing home since last Spring, and was struggling with several things about it. I've never had a Director of Nursing with such raw edges to her demeanor as this one. Her finger shaking "You will do this," or "You will not do that," would made me cringe, and I soon learned to mostly avoid her. My reaction to her didn't enhance our communication, and I would leave work exhausted from the mental struggle.

Not only that, I had built quite a fear in my mind about the possibility of bear showing up in the parking lot (the nursing home is in the foothills of mountains) and as if that wasn't enough to worry about, I began dreading the drive home late at night, once winter would arrive.

And besides all that, sometimes it felt like co-workers weren't very friendly. So what did I do about this? I relied on behavior learned long ago; and that was to just get away from it, and on my next day off shopped for a different nursing job. The first place I stopped hired me during the initial interview. They even gave me a two dollar an hour pay raise.

Not once during all of this did I remember that old warning about grass not being so green on the other side of fences. But I soon did. The new job included all phases of nursing care for 36 patients, and spending an hour in the dining room at supper, and taking care of phone calls and doctors' orders, and any emergency that surfaced, and I was to do all this, with only two nurses aids to help.

A while back I mentioned that this particular nursing home was where I began my long years of nursing. Many things about patient care are different now, and a major one is the amount of medicines they now get. A huge amount of a nurse's shift is spent giving them, and the amount of it keeps increasing. My first shift without help I was having to wake patients up late at night to take all those pills, and they so deserved better than that.

The first night I cried from exhaustion and stress, and the next night I cried more. Worrying about stray bear in the parking lot at night, or driving slippery roads in snow storms, I will learn how to deal with. But seeing poor old people pushing ninety years of life having to wait too long for help getting to the toilet, or needing an extra blanket, or pain medication, I cannot, will not be a part of that kind of care. If you're contemplating finding a good place for your Mom or Dad's last years, please check out more than the initial appearance of any nursing home. Visiting is allowed around the clock. Show up at meal time, and do some arithmetic. How many staff are trying to feed how many residents? Bedtime is another good chance to check on patient care. Count, count the number of nurses aides and how many people have to share them.

Sorry I got off track with the whole point here. I get steamed up about whether or not these old people get taken care of.

But back to my story. When my second night there wasn't any better than the first, I realized having only two aides to help me wasn't because others didn't show up, but that having only two is what management provides. Do you realize that each of the aides are to take care of almost eighteen residents!

When the shift finally ended I dragged myself home, and did a lot of thinking about all of this. And again, on a day off, I headed toward that place in the foothills, and talked with my previous boss, and left with a reasonable work schedule. The new place had scheduled me to work twenty two shifts in the next month, totally disregarding my telling them four a week was enough, with an occasional extra one when they needed it.

As I walked through the halls of my old job, a patient would recognize me, and say things like "Where've you been?" Staff from different departments were also friendly, and when they realized I wasn't leaving, let me know they were glad. And that sharp edged Director of Nursing greatly surprised me with an unexpected "Hello". Do you think perhaps my improved demeanor may have invited their friendlier response?

The Social Services lady was especially nice. She thought I had simply taken some days off, and when I explained I tried out a new job, and mentioned where, she paused, and smiled. "I worked there once myself," "But I had to leave too."

Then her tender eyes, so appropriate for her work, pierced mine. and she stated, more than asked, "But why would you leave here?" "I think I've figured it out," I replied. While I was building up unproven need for fear, and ripping people apart I don't have the right to judge, what I really needed was an attitude adjustment." This gracious lady then gave me another tender look as she patted my hand, and said, "I'm glad you're staying."