For days I've wanted to write this out, but more keeps happening that almost says out loud, this is about more than only changing jobs. Oh, it's much bigger than that. When I finally figured that out, my head wanted to swirl, and my voice which my daughter will tell you shouldn't be heard trying to sing, broke into happy old tunes, and if I could tell my feet how to dance, they would do more than only a simple shuffle.

I so don't want to bore you about me, me me, or my job situation. This is more wonderful, I promise it is, so come go with me while I show you how I am changing my life!

For as long as I remember I have wanted to learn more, do more, and, tucked way back somewhere with my opinion of myself, I just had to find out if I can.

As a very young wife, and then a mom, I studied books I got from the children's school. As they grew I wanted them to not be ignorant, so I squeezed ten dollars a month out of an already skimpy grocery budget, to pay for a set of encyclopedias, and I have no doubt I read them more than they did.

Things I didn't understand long ago are so much clearer. The Bible tells about God giving people particular talents. But I thought that was only something grand, and very special. I never considered back then, that my wanting to write corny poems would lead to what's happening now. Of course I was immensely proud that I sold one as a filler, and got two dollars for it. With my quite inadequate and misspelled writings, I somehow connected with a group of writers, and the only thing that saved my face from turning red, was that I didn't know that I did not know how to arrange some letters into words. And thank the Lord a wise old lady in the group never once pointed out my errors. I think she knew I had enough to deal with in trying to educate myself, and maybe along the way my poor spelling would improve.

That same wise lady helped me get approved to attend her creative writing class at the local college, and though I didn't know it then, started me believing that maybe there was a story in myself, and that thin glimmer of encouragement that she gave is really where todays story began.

Years later, I would try to do more college classes, and I did. But because I at least realized how little education I had, I avoided science classes, as if they could infect the entire world. However, subjects like history and art, and even psychology, I figured if I could read those books, I could learn., and if science and even more formiable subjects like math were required, well, I'd deal with those when I finally had to.

That's how I met up with psychology, but not before I ended up single, and without good job skills. Someone I worked with told me about a school in Denver that especially helps adults educate themselves. I say "themselves" because that's how much you need to want nurses' training to survive the classes. No one was more surprised than me when I completed it, but I did. And this is where the past connects with now.

Throughout those lean years I kept taking classes. Nursing work brought me survival pay, but deep inside, like a crystal surrounded by the ugly rock and mud of a geod, I think now I always knew how important psychology is, how exactly our brains record everything that we are, and do, a long, long time before computers came to be, we humans already walked around with individual ones in our heads.

There are many good things about doing nursing, but it it has a built in toll booth, and what it didn't demand from me, my several really stupid choices of men in relationships helped keep my self regard, and belief in myself right about down at my shoes, and after doing nursing more than twenty years, I finally realize I need to leave it. I do understand that one can't be a part of something that demands so much of you, for so long, and it not leave indelible marks all over your heart, and maybe I wouldn't even want to leave unmarked. Perhaps it is alright to savor the many memories I helped make. But it is time to move onward.

I believe if we don't keep our heart's wings folded, they can carry us even to almost buried dreams, for that's where my love of psychology lay until recently.

Way last winter when I returned to Denver, and was trying to decide where to go to work, it was convenient to cut through the grounds of the State mental facility, and one day, which could only have been God giving me a tender shove, I decided to see if my previous work there could possibly still be in my favor, and God not only shoved me a short little ways, He answered a quickly said prayer as I rode in the elevator, something like: "Lord, if this is where I am suppose to be, please send someone to help me open the doors I'll need to go through." and He did! He did all that, and more.

I applied for a position there, and the hiring process seems very long, and sometimes I've felt discouraged, but I've learned enough psychology to know not to mix or tangle feelings with facts. God promised if we trust Him enough to have our best interest at heart, He will take care of the rest. I've gone through the hiring process up to interviews. and in the morning am scheduled to do three of them, on different psychiatric units. No one has offered me a job there yet, but I'm feeling confident they may just need my skills.

And talk about being in the right places! Baby boomers are retiring there, now, just when I need a slot for another career. If you've read this far, I so appreciate your looking at this with me. It's a little like my grand daughter, Mandy felt, when she just had to share the big secret of her becoming engaged.

And now, let's see.......I must hurry to my nursing job I'm not quite done with. Nursing uniforms soon won't be appropriate any more. Thank goodness I got a very good hair cut yesterday, and you should see the neat outfits I got to wear when I'm taking care of my new charges. Where's the best place to apply for the next college degree I should get. Etc.etc.etc.

When I first began blogging I pointed out how much I so love new beginnings "Becoming", is what my daughter called it. I can hardly wait to see what God has in mind for me for this time.