I've been wanting to let you know how my job search is going. So even though it's after two a.m. because I worked late again tonight, and I'm still trying to understand about it more, here goes.

After what seemed a long wait, openings at the State mental health center were posted for two weeks, and after that applying time ended, a month went by, while applicants' scoring and ranking was done. Official letters informed me I'm eligible to be hired for the position; that I've met all the requirements, for it. My scoring is 100, and I am ranked number 1.

The HR person explained the 100 is how my experience is measured, and the number 1 is where I am on the hiring roster. A day or so later the recruiting office emailed me to contact them if I wanted to be interviewed.

I got in touch and interviews for openings on three psychiatric units were scheduled, each an hour long and one right after the other, and I did them all last Friday.

Had they offered me either of the first two positions, I would have accepted it. The third one I would have declined, because that unit is for grown young men who were already in trouble with the law, for physical and sexual assaults, among other things. While I would have been very interested in working with other age groups, and their various psychiatric conditions, I clearly understood that younger and stronger staff persons are needed on the other unit.

But because I didn't know if refusing a particular unit would affect my hiring status, and I surely didn't want to lose the advantage of my scoring being a hundred, and my rank as first in line, by the time I did the third interview, I was quite worn out. I knew I didn't want it, so I'm sure I didn't make a great impression there.

So this is where I'm at with all of it, and if you'd like to, I would appreciate input about it from all of you.

The State of Colorado wouldn't score and rank me as they did, if my work history and experience and college degrees didn't merit them, and the HR person and the recruiting person wouldn't be so helpful if they didn't think I was employable. And at least two of the units I interviewed on were clearly dealing with ongoing staffing shortage. All this tells me I am a pretty good candidate for the work, but perhaps I should look closer at myself.

In all my employment history, I have never done an interview as extensive as those. To be hired as a nurse, if your nursing license is free of problems or complaints, and your work record is alright, you are almost guaranteed a job. Once I got one simply by phoning a place. This last job I'm in, as soon as they looked at my application, and did a drug test, they asked me when I wanted to start work.

I would be very good at working with mental patients. I've done it before, and have quite a bit of experience on locked units, and even caring for some who aren't kept locked up. You wouldn't believe stories I could tell you! What I think I am not good at yet though, is the interviewing. I think I did not sell myself well when I was being grilled last week. And I probably didn't radiate enough self-confidence either.

Do you remember "The Unsinkable Molly Brown" scene, where she needed a job so bad, and didn't have much going for her to get one? She saw some guy beat out tunes on the old piano in the back woods saloon. When you don't have much, there's not a lot to lose, so she sat down in front of those pitiful ivories, and hammered some kind of sounds out loud enough, that they let her stick around to do more.

It's not that I'm as desperate as Molly was. I just so need to let go of nursing. And I really understand how much psychiatric care is needed. As soon as I learned I wasn't offered any of the three jobs, I asked myself a gut twisting question; what can I do so this doesn't happen again? And then drove straight to the nearest library, and this is what I found:

"The Complete Q & A Job Interview Book, by Jeffrey G Allen, J.D., C P.C.

"The Interview Kit, (How to answer over 500 tough interview questions), by Richard H. Beatty

I especially like this: "How to Gain The Professional Edge, by Susan Morem.

And "Winning With the Boss From Hell", A guide to life in the trenches, by Shaun Belding, just because it makes me feel so great, imagining dealing with a boss like that on my terms, not his or hers.

Now, let's see, when the hiring recruiter called the other day, she said she would be in touch again in about two weeks, to schedule more interviews. The library books are about 200 pages each, and if short on time, I could wait til later to enjoy the one about the you know,..... what kind of boss. Starting in the morning I will seriously study those helpful little texts, and before many more weeks pass, who knows! If you're still reading this, thank you so much. Please let me know your thoughts about it all.